i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You dont lie about slip and slides
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
