Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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