It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
