it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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