Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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