No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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