Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
