no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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