worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
