Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
