I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
