is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ttyl tear gas
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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