There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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