Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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