Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
