I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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