If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
