Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
