btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
