You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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