Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
