DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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