wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
