I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
