apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
