Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
