We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.