i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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