Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.

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  (850): You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist. http://tfl.nu/9a73
  Replies (18) Good night (2200) Bad night (778)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.

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  (705): How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk? (1-705): I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month. http://tfl.nu/0dv4
  Replies (14) Good night (3812) Bad night (873)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can

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  (630): i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can http://tfl.nu/e7bo
  Replies (26) Good night (1731) Bad night (5217)
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  (716): View more from New York

  One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

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  (716): One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. http://tfl.nu/aaag
  Replies (16) Good night (5370) Bad night (1077)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?

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  (306): Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better? http://tfl.nu/6en9
  Replies (3) Good night (3130) Bad night (1028)
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  (714): View more from California

  He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.

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  (714): He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/xpcu
  Replies (8) Good night (2596) Bad night (973)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.

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  (920): I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign. http://tfl.nu/97x1
  Replies (12) Good night (623) Bad night (1377)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"

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  (617): hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?" http://tfl.nu/pq50
  Replies (14) Good night (3707) Bad night (885)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.

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  (773): Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important. http://tfl.nu/scnm
  Replies (3) Good night (1389) Bad night (673)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.

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  (202): I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects. http://tfl.nu/vyxz
  Replies (2) Good night (802) Bad night (399)
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  (805): View more from California

  The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.

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  (805): The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it. http://tfl.nu/fb1m
  Replies (2) Good night (801) Bad night (327)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.

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  (612): I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises. http://tfl.nu/ns4w
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (322)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.

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  (+44): Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating. http://tfl.nu/05l7
  Replies (3) Good night (340) Bad night (844)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?

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  (941): do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon? http://tfl.nu/9qjs
  Replies (7) Good night (547) Bad night (228)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.

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  (716): You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest. http://tfl.nu/draf
  Replies (2) Good night (305) Bad night (185)

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