I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed