So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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