So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us