what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
