i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho