if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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