it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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