After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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