Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
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She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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