my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
