I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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