I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
