The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
