Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
