i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
