just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
