the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
smell my finger.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
