apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
