You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
nutella sex= disaster
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
