Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
