I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
