mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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