In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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