I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
