can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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