Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
