I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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