well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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