His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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