I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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