Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
