If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
