Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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