Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
