We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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