I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
