yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
