So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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