Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
