I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
