She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
