I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
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Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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