i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
