Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
