I wish my penis had an off switch
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
