Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
