you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
